Singles Resources

Preparing Yourself to Meet Someone New

First impressions can make or break your first meeting with someone new. First impressions may be your only chance to make an impression before someone gets to know the real you. Meeting someone new is almost like going on an interview. And let's face it, a Speed Dating party is an interview! You and each mini-date are sizing each other up in 3-10 minutes.  Many of you have been out of the dating scene for awhile. Let’s face it, we live in a society that where how you look counts. That doesn’t mean you have to be a Barbie Doll or Mr. GQ. All you have to do is make your assets shine and remove any liabilities. It is always important to look your best so you feel confident about the impression you are making and about you. And keep in mind, the way you treat yourself is the impression that someone has of how you will treat them.

This doesn’t mean that a guy needs to look like James Bond or a woman like Demi Moore. Just don’t go to your first meeting looking like a schlep (a Seinfeld Yiddish word for grungy, sloppy, not put together). Please keep in mind that this list was put together for an average "city person" in the Midwest in their mid 20’s to 60’s. The Gen X crowd, college students, and singles in rural areas live by slightly different rules when it comes to dress. Just keep in mind: Cleanliness, up to date, polished, and looking good are the words we want in your vocabulary when you fix yourself up for that first meeting. When was the last time you updated your look? Here is a checklist of things to do:

Women:

♥ Make sure your nails are filed, at least with painted with a coat of clear polish. Ragged nails or nails with dirt under them are a turn off for guys.

♥ Use makeup close to your skin color, colors that are natural and compliment your skin. For a great update go to the nearest Clinique or Lancome counter at any of the major department stores. Bring a girlfriend for an hour of fun. It’s FREE advice.

♥ Update your hairstyle. You don’t have to change your hair to something wild. If your hair is down to your waist or hasn’t changed in 3 years, go find a new hairdresser.

♥ Glasses that are not up to date are another turn off for men. If your glasses are more than 3 years old, have very large lenses, again, it is time to see about a new pair. It’s amazing, you can go to Wal-Mart and get new designer brand name glasses for next to nothing.

♥ Take inventory of your wardrobe. When was the last time you bought something new? Wear something classy and tasteful for the first meeting. Dress pants or a nice skirt and blouse. Don’t wear anything uncomfortable or too revealing. Do wear sexy underwear. Even though you won’t be showing, it will make a difference in how you feel about yourself. On future dates, don’t ever wear jeans with holes, see though clothing, polyester clothing or jewelry that makes noise when you move.

♥ Wear some sexy underwear under your new clothes. It will make you feel cool and confident.

♥ If your teeth are yellow from smoking or coffee, try an over the counter whitening toothpaste. For the best results, spend the money and get the whitening gel and mouthpieces from your dentist. Nothing is sexier than pearly white teeth. Also, if you have any broken teeth, check into bonding. It is an inexpensive way to make your smile look almost perfect.

♥ Fragrance-Smell is an important attraction. Make sure you have a shower before your meeting if it has been a hot day, you just worked out and/or you have been traveling. You may be used to your own body odor, but there is no greater turn on for a man than a woman who just showered with freshly shampooed hair and a light whiff of a good cologne/perfume. Wear a good clean fragrance. Take a friend to the department store and start sniffing. If you don't have time to check out new fragrances or would like to have free samples mailed to you, check out.

Men:

♥ Scrub the dirt from under your nails. Clip your nails short. Men with unclipped and dirty fingernails just look gross.

♥ Get a haircut and make it short. Hair past your ears let alone your shoulders looks ridiculous unless you are in a rock band or are a model like Fabio.

♥ If you have a beard, mustache or goatee, make sure it is trimmed well. The Grizzly Adams and Dr. Koop look are out. Keep in mind that many women have sensitive skin and find kissing a man with facial hair a turnoff. (Think about it guys, would you want to kiss a Brillo Pad for 2 hours. Unless a man can grow a mustache that looks like Tom Selleck’s and has a wide smile, most of the time a mustache makes the man’s mouth look small, his facial expression sad, and if it is droopy it just looks ridiculous. Sorry guys, but most of you grow these things to be in or macho and60-70% of the facial hair women see on guys either doesn’t match the color of their real hair, is scraggly and uneven, makes their mouth look small,....well, you get the idea.

♥ Did you know that ninety percent of all women prefer a clean-shaven man at any age? Now you do. The dye job looks bad. Get it done professionally. Nothing spells nerd like a home bottle dye job (except maybe a rug.) You've been out in the sun or you've lost a lot of weight and your facial skin is sagging. Consider plastic surgery or collagen injections; if I told you would attract younger women if you did would it be worth your while? If you want to catch a big fish, bait the hook!

♥ Take a good look in the mirror. Do your eye brows run together? If so have them professionally tweezed or electrolysis to remove the unwanted hair. Countless men go dateless because they have a stern/severe look from eyebrows that knit together making them look unhappy. Fortunately you can fix it!

♥ Glasses that are not up to date are another turn off for women. If your glasses are more than 3 years old, are aviator style, or large lenses, it is time to see about a new pair. It’s amazing, you can go to Wal-Mart and get new designer brand name glasses for next to nothing.

♥ If you look older than you are you may appear this way because: You are wearing a mustache AND a beard AND glasses, have mostly gray hair under 45, and/or your beard and/or mustache is not the same color as your hair. You are hiding your face! Shave it off and try to get contacts. Consider the "Just for Men" products or get a professional dye job. Most guys with both long hair, beards and mustaches combined look like convicts/prisoners. Unless you are in a motorcycle gang looking for a motorcycle woman, get a shave and a hair cut!

♥ Take inventory of your wardrobe. When was the last time you bought something new? Wear something classy and tasteful for the first meeting. Dress slacks or Dockers and a polo shirt or nice dress shirt. Don’t wear jeans or t-shirts on a first meeting or a date. And wear a pair of loafers or dress shoes (make sure they are not scuffed). Leave the Vibram soled shoes, hiking boots and tennis shoes for a casual date when you know her better. Unless it is over 90 degrees, don’t show up in shorts, and if you do, make sure you wear dress shorts and leather loafers. You can tell a lot about a man by what he wears on his feet and how he cares for his shoes. A good pair of loafers (check out the latest Cole Hahn’s) always looks good. Don’t ever wear shoes that are scuffed, dirty or are in desperate need of polish. Don’t ever wear jeans with holes, see though clothing, polyester clothing or jewelry that makes noise when you move.  

♥ If your teeth are yellow from smoking or coffee, try an over the counter whitening toothpaste. For the best results, spend the money and get the whitening gel and mouthpieces from your dentist. Nothing is sexier than pearly white teeth. Also, if you have any broken teeth, check into bonding. It is an inexpensive way to make your smile look almost perfect.

♥ Fragrance-Smell is an important attraction. Make sure you have a shower before your meeting if it has been a hot day, you just worked out and/or you have been traveling. You may be used to your own body odor, but there is no greater turn on for a woman than a man who just showered and shaved with freshly shampooed hair and a light whiff of a good designer cologne/aftershave. Wear a good clean fragrance (nothing cheap!). Take a friend to the department store and start sniffing. No Old Spice PLEASE!

What NOT to do at your first meeting:

Men's Top Turn Offs about Women they Date:

•  Talking with your mouth full of food. Better yet, eat before you go to the event.  That way you aren't wasting valuable time munching when you should be getting to know your mini-date.  And you won't have to worry if you have food in your teeth.

•  Answering a cell phone at the event. Turn it off.

•  Not saying Please and THANK YOU

•  Discussions about Astrology, UFO’s and other New Age type talk

•  Using slang or curse words.

•  Gossip

•  Talking a subject to death.  You only have a few minutes.  So move quickly through your questions.

•  Talking about previous boyfriends, ex husband

•  Dressing in a "slutty", overly provocative manner in the first few meetings.

•  Unshaved underarms and legs

•  Over processed, big, blond hair, over sprayed untouchable hair, or out of style hair

•  Unstylish clothing-the frumpy look, sack like clothing is unattractive

•  Chipped and peeling fingernail polish

•  Overdressing

Women's Top Turn Offs about the Men they Date, or Reasons why a woman won't even say Yes to the first date:

•  Unmanicured hands, grease or dirt under the nails, nails that need to be cut.

•  Excessively cheap or frugal: Expecting a woman to split the check, leaving miserly tips or none at all, don't own a cell phone or only keep in your car for emergencies only. If you are driving a car more than 5-6 years old, economy car, your clothes are threadbare, shoes scuffed (ie, you don't buy yourself anything new), you will appear that you are cheap and will be cheap with your date will rarely get past the second date.

• Showing up for your date looking like you are ready to go to the beach or camping rather than ready to take your date on the town.

• Answering a cell phone at the event. Leave your cell phone in the car or turn it off.

• Blowing your nose loudly.

• Talking with your mouth full of food.

• Poor etiquette and bad table manners: Not using knife and fork when appropriate, putting knife in mouth, not opening doors or car doors or pulling the chair out at the dinner table for the lady, not walking her to the door.

•  Using slang or curse words.

•  Dressing like a schlep

•  Talking about previous ex-wife or ex-girlfriend.

•  No prospects/ambition. Women will often be more attracted to a man is trying to reach a goal, rather than a man who has already made a goal. So, even if you are in a great job, have lots of success - tell women you are shooting for more.

• Talking about the women they have dated or are currently dating. Especially if she is a size 2, a model, had long blond hair, etc. No one wants to compete with your ex.

•  Over 28 and or you are out of college more than 4 years and still living with Mom and Dad. Do you really want to look like a Mama's boy or frugal. Get your own apartment or get a roommate.

Really Bad Taste, and Definite No No’s for your first, second, third, fourth…..meeting (this stuff really makes you look like a LOSER):

•  Belching and Farting…..this is something construction workers do after they have had too much beer.

•  Talking about your dysfunctional family in your first meeting, that you were your parent’s little accident or even admitting anyone in your family or you know has been on one of those talk shows….you know, the ones with the white trash hashing it out on National TV.

•  Saying “Howdy”…..this makes you sound like a hick.

•  Sulking and whining about anything: your past relationships, fighting with your mother, your boss, etc.

•  Admitting that you are not insured….car or health.

•  Talking ultra fast makes you sound nervous and lacking in confidence. Talking verrrrrrrrrrry slow make you sound stupid.

•  Wearing hats, ball caps and sunglasses indoors. Proper etiquette is to take you hat and sunglasses off when you sit down to dinner. Wearing a ball cap on the first meeting is an immediate turn off for many women.

• Saying “you know” at the end of every sentence. This is annoying and makes you sound like you are not very intelligent.